What's in a name?

My husband, who is dealing with huge issues in his own life, has not called me by my name for almost 2 years. Not even a nick name or pet name. When I ask him why, he gives me his usual answer, "I don't know." I believe him, but it still hurts. I long to hear my name on his lips, tenderly, sweetly. I know it will happen someday.

Last year I participated in a book study, "To Be Told" by Dan Allender. The point of the book is to examine how God is the co-author of your life story, write down some of your stories, and maybe discover God's plan for your life.

One of the chapters asked if I knew the name God will call me when he greets me in heaven. I was writing a story about not hearing my name for so long, how I felt so unloved because of living separated from my husband, when I heard the voice of  God say, "You are my Beloved." I haven't told a single soul. It's so personal, so special. To tell somebody else would diminish that.

Now I know that, even when I am feeling unloved & as low as a person can be, I am God's Beloved.

The 11th Step

"We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."

It is my intention to write as a way to practice prayer and meditation. I won't promise that I'll be here everyday, but some days I may be here all day!

I've waited long enough!

"I've waited long enough!" As I typed those words, I realized they hold multiple meanings for me. Hmmm...

I've wanted to do this for so long!! I looked into starting a blog years ago, but chickened out more than once. What do I have to say? And who would care enough to read it? The answer is, I have lots to say! And even if nobody reads these words, I'll have said what I need to say. I believe that getting the words out of my head & into the universe will be the beginning of new things for me. And God knows I need something to come of all the pain I have lived with the past 18 months.

Which brings me to meaning number two. My husband and I have been estranged for entirely too long. It is time for reconciliation and commitment. I've waited long enough.

Meaning number three... Good night nurse! Haven't I been sitting around long enough?! It's time to get busy living! And time to follow my own motto to "create something beautiful every day."

And so I begin...